"The Enlightened
Stepmother; Revolutionizing The Role"by Perdita Kirkness Norwood & Teri Wingender
"The Enlightened
Stepmother; Revolutionizing The Role"
by Perdita Kirkness Norwood & Teri
Wingender
Very Highly Recommended (Fusion Family Rating)
Audience: Stepmothers, any woman contemplating becoming a stepmother, any person interested in supporting a woman in her role as stepmother
"The Enlightened Stepmother; Revolutionizing The Role" addresses the complexities of stepfamilies from the perspective of the stepmother. With respect and empathy, the book prepares women for the challenges they will face and offers concrete suggestions and guidance for overcoming, and avoiding, obstacles. Unlike other books about stepfamilies, which tend to focus on the needs of the children, The Enlightened Stepmother’s primary concern is the adjustment and well being of the stepmom. Stepmothers will read with gratitude and relief that our happiness is essential and that expressing our needs and setting personal boundaries is our right as well as our responsibility. Stepmothers are not the wicked queens of fairy tales. Nor are we altruistic angels determined to save our poor abandoned stepchildren. What we are, and how best to fill our role, is explored with sensitivity and depth in this remarkable book.The Brady Bunch is, for many of us, the only example of stepfamily life we have received. The children call their stepparents "mom" and "dad", the siblings like each other, the ex husband/ex wife are conveniently absent, the children stay in one home full time. The Brady Bunch resembles a nuclear family and many of us trying to create stepfamilies have no other model to follow. Trying to make a stepfamily unit fit into the nuclear model is like trying to get a toddler to sit still and eat a full meal. Futile. So it is with surprise and bewilderment that we confront the realities of stepfamily living; the financial strain of child support, the lack of privacy, the ever present ex-wife, the awkwardness and uncertainty which characterizes so many stepparent/child relationships, sibling discord, scheduling hassles, and legal battles. In the face of our unrealistic expectations, these stark realities seem to reflect our own inadequacies and failures.
With the goal of preparing stepmothers for the complexities of the life they are entering, The Enlightened Stepmother begins with a quick primer listing the 12 essential gems of wisdom, as identified by the authors’ personal experiences and their conversations with almost two hundred stepmothers. The 12 gems are explored in depth in the body of this stepmother resource. The following is an abbreviated list of the first six gems, provided to give you a taste of the wisdom to be found in "The Enlightened Stepmother":
Preparation for stepmotherhood is essential.
Start as you mean to go.
Understand and accept that you are not and, with only rare exceptions, can never be your stepchildren’s mother.
Recognize that you are a pioneer.
Recognize and accept that you will be sharing your husband with his children for the rest of your marriage.
Make your marriage your priority.
If you are a stepmother, or are contemplating marrying a man with children, do not hesitate. Read The Enlightened Stepmother; Revolutionizing The Role" and arm yourself with the tools and knowledge necessary to create a stepfamily that works.
- Reviewed by Ruthie Hauser M.S. stepfamily consultant and veteran stepmom