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A new year usually means holiday bills and
tax prep time, a surely inaccurate scale and lots of wrong gifts
cluttering your closet. That sounds like a stepfamily sometimes, don't
you think? Expense, drudgery, trouble breathing and things that don't
fit. Oh, well, let's try to think positive and look for the same
promise in our families that the new year, even with all its baggage,
promises us. Hope *can* spring eternal, in our calendars and in our
hearts.
Along with our resolutions we're about to make, let's ring in a few new "matters of the heart," too, ok? They have to be easier than losing weight and saving money, right? *A New Attitude.* If we can get up each new morning and look at the day as a gift, maybe we can treat it that way. Maybe we can see the problems we face as just a part -- not all -- of the day. Maybe we can look more closely for the good that surrounds us, too. Abraham Lincoln said that people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be. Maybe we can make up our minds to have a better attitude today, this new year, and beyond. *A New Energy.* The excitement of a new year seems to give us the power and desire and excitement for new goals. Our lives are the same on Dec. 31 and Jan. 1, but just a new number on the calendar gives us a renewed energy. We can use some of that energy on our stepfamilies, too. The new year is a great time for a new plan to bring our families closer, to feel the drive needed to adopt new family rules or establish exciting family goals. The calendar gives us the perfect launching pad, and our psyches are agreeable with the energy of a whole new year to work and grow together. *A New Bag.* We have to carry 2003's credit card bills and extra helpings of pecan pie into 2004, but we can be a little choosier about the stepfamily bag we pack. We can try to leave all the garbage behind and only carry the happiness into the new year. No, leaving the latest fight with your stepkids' mom out of your 2004 bag won't make it disappear, but it will give you more room for something you'd rather have -- for faith in yourself to handle bad situations better in the future, for ideas about simplifying your complicated household, for plans for a year where nothing is scripted and the best is possible. It's your bag you pack, make room for what you want. * A New You.* Yes, I know that sounds cliché and trite, but it's true. You can become a new *you* anytime you want, and a new year is as good a time as any. New doesn't have to mean a complete makeover. New can mean a new tone in your voice when you speak to your stepkids. New can mean a new restraint in encounters with your less-than-favorite people. New can mean a new understanding of your spouse's situation and perspective. New can mean anything -- any small thing that makes the new year better than the last. What's new is up to you. Whatever else you do to prepare for the new year, remember to practice letting go of what hurts and holding on to what heals. The new year is a new chance, unblemished and unrestrained, for you to feel like a "new and improved" stepparent -- building on what's worked to build something that works forever. Happy New Year.
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