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I am the stepmother of a 9-year-old son and a 6-year-old daughter. Their birth mother had a history of alcoholism and drug addiction at the time of the divorce. Unfortunately, she was still given custody due to the children’s very young ages of 3 ½ years and 6 months. Two years after the divorce, she abandoned the children to her parents, and continued with her destructive lifestyle. We gained custody in our third court proceeding, only after she was arrested for prostitution and possession of crack cocaine. The children have lived with us in a stable, loving home for the last 2 years. They are well-adjusted, mannerly, and good students. During these past two years, the children never received phone calls or gifts for their birthdays, Christmas, or at any other time from their birth mother. Suddenly, 6 months ago, she moved back in with her parents and started calling the children once or twice each week. Within a few weeks she demanded supervised visitation as provided in the Parenting Plan, which she had previously ignored. She insisted that her parents be her supervisors. However, we felt that a professional supervisor would be far more beneficial in protecting our children and guiding them through this emotional roller coaster. In our search of the Internet, we located the Supervised Visitation Network (SVN) (www.svnetwork.net). This network covers 42 of the 50 states, as well as, Australia, Canada, and Japan. A listing of their members can be found under the Directory of Service Providers link on their website. It is important to note that the members of the SVN have volunteered to follow these guidelines, but they are not monitored or regulated by the Network. It is still the job of the parents to locate a supervisor with whom they are comfortable and trust to do whatever is needed in the best interest of their child. Family members and friends of either
parent are not equipped to handle these situations in a neutral,
professional manner. Their biases will inevitably cloud what is in the
best interest of the child during the visit. In our situation, we knew
a professional supervisor would assist the children in getting to know
their birth mother slowly in a controlled environment. Not having seen
her in nearly 3 years, half my daughter’s life, the children needed
time to deal with their thoughts and emotions and adjust to this huge
change in their lives. Her family members wanted her to have as much
time as the judge would allow, never caring about how the total
immersion may affect the children’s emotional stability. Children
being supervised by a parent’s family member or friend may also feel
that they must act in a certain way while that supervisor is present.
This will only complicate the goal of establishing and maintaining a
relationship with the non-custodial parent. With a professional
visitation supervisor, the best interest of the child can be served in
a safe environment without the complexities of bias. After all,
visitation is provided when it is seen as beneficial to the child. We,
as parents, should do what we can to make the visitation as beneficial
as possible. A professional supervisor can help achieve this goal. |
