I am the parent of four beautiful girls, 10, 9, and twins that will be 6 soon.  We are a very close church going and happy family that tries to enjoy what life has to offer us.  My husband and I are still falling in love, even to this day.  Most people don't realize that we are a new blending family, and don't know the pain that we went through to get us where we are today.

 

My husband went through a bitter divorce, as most are, and did not originally have custody of his daughter.  He only gained custody of his daughter after her mother signed over custody for a sum of money so she could move 1100 miles to be with the man she wanted to be with.  My husband was very happy and would pay any price to have his daughter.  The only thing he didn't know was how to go about telling her why mommy would no longer be picking her up.

 

Her mothers' return came only a month later after learning about me, the new women in both their lives.  Our first meeting was a physical one which was followed by a police report and a "no physical contact" restraining order placed on her.  Along with her return came the non stop harassing phone calls, and the no show pick ups.  It got to the point where we started recording phone calls for our protection.  She would go from begging him back to calling me names and then, the straw hit the camel's back, she called my children terrible names!  I was furious that she would attack the children in such a way.  I asked my husband why wouldn't he stand up for me and tell her where to go!  His reply was that he had fought with this woman for too long and no longer wanted to fight with her and that it wasn't worth it to him.

 

My anger grew now not only towards her, but to my husband.  I was mad because he wouldn't defend me and my children the way that I wanted him to.  Little did I know that my anger was undermining the family before it could even begin to develop.  My biological daughters were growing tired of the feeling of being placed on the back burner.  My stepdaughter then realized that she had control and begin to play sides, depending on where she was.  That quickly turned into a mad game of parent slandering, followed by who could buy the most of her love.  

 

Finally, I looked at our mess and thought, why am I letting her destroy another marriage  by  letting her control our relationship and environment?  I had to learn that the only person I could control was me and I was not going to let her do this.  I needed to show my girls that they were more important than this woman full of resentment and I needed to show my stepdaughter that although I didn't give birth to her, I would be there to help raise her and would never leave her.  She needed a woman in her life who could give love and not use her as a pawn piece.  They all really needed a mommy who could be there for them, and my husband needed a wife he could talk to, not run from. 

 

I now go out of my way to make sure that they are all treated equally different, to fit their own individual needs and situation.  I now only show my husband how much I love him and not how much I dislike her.  I am now called mommy by four girls and have learned the only thing I can control is what I give to them.