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I was a beautiful first time bride swept up by the man of my dreams, enjoying magical, first time experiences of marriage, pregnancy and childbirth.  My husband, an integral, rugged, handsome man with tasseled hair and dimples.  All of these wonderful experiences in my life were met with opposition, disapproval.  My step-son who was 6. was disturbed by any affection between my fiancee and I.  Disturbed when we married, disturbed when we had our babies, disturbed in all important times of celebration.  Indifferent during every day life and conversation, suffering from conflicting feeling.  Mourning the loss of his mother who lives across town but is very busy.  Who when not busy is often cross with him, arriving late for her visits, or not arriving at all.  I truly feel my son's pain.  His pain is what has helped give me the drive to continue to be a good mother to him for 10 years now.   Yes I have earned the right to call myself his mother, not his "ONLY", mother, but his mother just the same.

I lost both of my parents when I was 20 yrs. old.  Dad first, Mom one week later.  Both unexpected.  Despite this tragedy, the hard work and labor, pain and rejection that I have experienced as a step-mother has still been the most difficult, challenging, character building experience of my life.  It has however, made me stretch.  It is easy to
love only the people in life who love me back.  It however takes a great deal of inner strength, character and a strong heart to love those who have caused me pain; who may deep inside, not even want me in this family. 

Even step-parents are human. When I was perplexed year after year, it was only human to have the desire to seek comfort and refuge.  It is only human to have desires to wish what I shouldn't wish.  Human as I am, I had o  reach inside and strengthen my self control.  I had to not allow myself to entertain negative thoughts.

After ten years of buffering the pain inflicted by my stepson from the divorce and custody battle, I feel that I have earned my stripes.  I feel that it is a good work ever in the process of completion.  They are still difficult times few and far between yet they are handled in a different , faster manner as my son matures and develops "his own", conscience and drive to do the right thing.

My word to step-mothers is this.  Be encouraged!  You are doing a great and important work.  You are helping t make a great imprint on the world with your life.  Continue to stretch and grow for the best because you are exactly where you are supposed to be doing exactly what you were designed to do. Try nopt to think of your situation as a mistake or poor decision.  You married who you were supposed to marry.  You will be rewarded for your work when the time is right.   Keep on giving and focus on the beautiful things in your life that give you comfort and peace.

Most importantly, try not to be tempted to take things so serious.   Keep your eye on working to becoming a better step-parent and don't worry too much, be happy!