The condition of the stepfamilies and remarried families in Italy is not as well know as it is in the United States. Currently, the greatest problem does not concern the stepfamily but rather the process in getting remarried!  The procedures to get a divorce are long and those who decide to remarry must pass through the court system twice.

To get a legal separation is very difficult in my country.  The institute of marriage is taken very seriously in Italy by both the government and the Catholic church of which most Italians belong. Only after a three year separation period is it possible to petition for a divorce. You then must once again go back to the court.   In a 1994/95 survey the government reported that only 4% of all married couples in Italy are remarried.

Unfortunately we don't have a suitable terminology to define the reconstituted family in the Italian language. Just as in the United States and I image world-wide, the words stepmother or stepfather have a negative value. The bad connotation is rooted in our culture through the traditional fairytale (like in Cinderella) and also in literary tradition referring to a person "poco amorevole". In recent years we are trying to better define stepfamilies as: recombined, blended, extended, binuclear, polinuclear, wide and mixed.

I think the more difficult role to define is that of the stepmother. It seems to be a universal phenomenon that biological mothers have difficulty accepting another woman who takes care of their child without their permission. If children feel affection for the stepmother, they can become imprisoned in a psychological battle and feel they have betrayed the love for their own mother. If the relationship between the ex-spouses is positive, the children can feel psychologically free to establish good relationships with the stepparent. Clearly the initial phases of the family's reconstitution is difficult.   It can become better once everyone has overcome this very delicate phase. In the long run, the stepparents can be seen as having positive influences. Unfortunately, if hostilities between ex-spouses remains high then it's very difficult for the children to have a good psychological bond with the stepparents. The children will also more likely be consumed by the conflicts between the former spouses.

In my interviews with stepparents,  I have found a strong desire by the stepparents to be good parents to the children and good spouses. The majority of them would do it over again to live in their extended family. Despite difficulties, these persons believe in the potential and in the wealth that these new families can offer. Certainly there are many obstacles to overcome, but the attention to the what the Stepfamily Network calls Fusion Families is increasing in Italy. By studying and learning from these modern families we hope to bring a achieve a better comprehension of the stepfamily dynamics.  In the end, perhaps we can help stepfamilies here and world-wide achieve a higher standard of functionality and happiness.

© 1999 Stepfamily Network Inc.